Testiculi habat!

On April 17th, my grandniece Mara Strasberg was married to Robin Freeman, Jr. Their wedding reception, a memorably magnificent affair was held at the Westchester Country Club in Rye, New York. They could not have had a more or auspicious initiation into matrimony. But unhinged a bit by their euphoria, they asked "me" to address the assemblage and say a few commemorating words:

<> I opened by recalling that the very first house call I made, following my return from WW II, was to this very Golf Club. I had been summoned here by the manager of this Club's Hotel Facility, to treat a young widow, whose husband, an inept Golfer, had gone into cardiac arrest while trying to extricate himself from a sand trap. Following his death she began seeing him everywhere she directed her gaze. Unprepared for this syndrome, I immediately asked room service to bring us two tumblers of Jack Daniels. Then, after we drank to her husband's inglorious memory, I quickly and discreetly withdrew.

<> Before approaching the climactic point of my nuptial address, I felt constrained to allude to that period during the Papacy when one or two Borgia women may have insinuated themselves into the papal lineage. Based on those rumors, the Vatican formed a committee to officially attest to every newly elected pope's masculinity. A committee member was then to stand on the balcony beside each newly elected Pope and with his right fist raised high, he was to proclaim to the gathered multitude in St Peter's Square, "Testiculi habat."

<> So similarly, and to allay any disquieting notions that might possibly be incubating among the guests, I hastened to reassure everyone present, that not only is Robert ept, he is also indisputably virile and very properly endowed. And I further declared, that for each of his sperm filled testicles his ravishingly beautiful bride Mara would bring to their union an ovary bursting with ovae. On that fertile note everyone spontaneously rose and joined with me to wish Mara and Robert an unceasingly happy and procreative future.

To my surprise, it was not generally known among our guests that the Latin word "testicle" signifies "little witness." Medical history tells us that early anatomists nearly always had a ball, when they gathered to name each body part they dissected.