Whither?

Escape From the Nursing Home

NY Times Op-Ed by Ira Rosofsky

1/17/2007

Given our present circumstances, this was a very timely article for Lenore and me to read. Here is what I excerpted from it:

$75,000 is the average yearly charge for living in a nursing home. How it is paid depends on one’s physical and financial status. A welfare recipient gets by with Medicaid. But few elderly people or their families make a considered decision to move to a nursing home. Imagine living out your life in a hospital-style room with only a curtain for privacy; a place where strangers are free to walk in to poke and prod. Add to that the constant distraction of ambient institutional noise.

Assisted living (the halfway house between home-sweet-home and the nursing home) is a far superior terminal living arrangement. Its current projected cost is in the neighborhood of $35,000 a year. Medicaid plays no role in this option.

If we are helplessly disabled or infirm, staying at home and having in-house medical and domestic care can be immensely costly. Health aides are paid approximately $20 an hour. Multiply that by 24/7 and the yearly figure can quickly rise to about $165,000.

Of all the alternatives, aging in your own home, with good willed (but minimal) assistance by family and friends, is the most appealing. It has intrinsic merit. But it requires a happy alignment of fate and destiny.

Commentary

Lenore and I are currently aging at home. But for how long more, is not entirely within our power to control. Two years ago, she broke her hip and had to have a month of rehab in a nursing home. That traumatic experience left its mark on her thinking and feeling.

We are both quite advanced in years but fortunately, up to now at least, we can still pool and share some of our remaining senses and mental faculties. Where my hearing and vision have eroded sharply, hers are remarkably acute. Where I have great difficulty with phone conversations, she has trouble simply orienting herself on that infernal, cordless instrument. But, as we never did before, we now prepare every meal together, from start to finish. Our leisure time, which we covet, is spent in our comfortable family room where we read, watch TV and make good use of our laptop computers.

Distressed by the "wrinkles" on her face (which I don’t see) Lenore keeps applying all the latest miracle lotions and creams. But as I gaze at her, all I can see are mermaids and sirens. We dine sensibly and we libate with prudence. All year round we take our daily walks on our beloved hills. Happily, we stay physically fit. Regrettably, however, we don’t golf as we used to and she no longer bowls.

Fortunately, we are financially comfortable and until now, I don’t think we are a burden on our children. They and their children are loving, attentive and understanding. We have never felt isolated. We also have many friends here with whom we have much in common, especially our senescence. And we are most grateful for the care and medical attention we receive at the Mt Kisco Medical Group.

We are now actively conferring with our attorney, Joseph L. Latwin of Wolff & Latwin, LLP, Purchase, NY 10577. It is essential that we make appropriate plans for this penultimate stage of our lives. To die together would be a blessing. But if we don’t, much will depend upon which of us predeceases the other. But not to worry, we're in no hurry to go.

Hello you sprightly 92 year old: An unusual coincidence ~ you look from your photo amazingly like a well known amusement caterer from Rhyl in North Wales. He built up a tremendous business empire of bingo halls and arcades. But he was also, like you, a long distance sailor. When he was about 84 he sailed right across the Atlantic to your East coast, BY Himself!!!! His name was Solly Parker. Sadly he deceased about four years ago. He was nudging 90 ~ Mike Amiabankrobber, Wales

Dad This blog about you and Mom did me in. I made the mistake of reading it at work and I had trouble composing myself for a little while. I'm so glad you two have each other. I can't imagine it any other way ~ Loretta

This blog has significant meaning to me. I am faced with the care of my darling wife and I employ aides 24/7 to take care of her since she is no longer able to help herself. The figures you quoted are correct. Eternal optimist that I am, I pray that we will find a solution ~ Tony Correoso