Cheers!

This letter by Squire Carl Payne of Tennessee

relates to a plot of ground in Lynchburg

which was deeded to me 5 years ago

by the Jack Daniel’s Distillery

Dear Squire Gabriele,

<><><> I understand that you are the honorary owner of plot no, g71470 here in Moore County. Since I am a fellow Squire who has served three times as the County Executive, I have been asked to help out by writing to you and a few other landowners to find out how you feel about granting a permanent easement across your place. This would allow the local residents access to one of the better fishing spots on Mulberry Creek.

<><><> The Motlow Estate and the Jack Daniel’s Distillery have already granted adjoining easements. So now, we only need the easement of your plot and a few others. Actually, it really doesn’t even have to be anything too official. We’d just like to know if you’d mind if some of your neighbors cut across your place now and then to get to the creek. We’ll see to it that no one takes undue advantage of your situation.

Sincerely,

Carl Payne,
Lynchburg, Tennessee 37352

Dear Squire Payne,

<><><> Thank you for your kind and thoughtful letter. Here in this frozen waste we currently call New York, I can only dream of what it must be like to fish in a weatherproof Tennessee creek. By the way, note the eerie coincidence that the number of my plot (g71470) contains the numbers of my birthday (07/07/14).

<><><> But Carl, surely you remember the story of Pat and Sean, where they promised to pour whiskey over each other’s graves, when the other passed on. And you will also recall that Pat made it a point to reassure Sean that he would pour his whiskey on Sean’s grave only after he first filtered it through his kidneys.

<><><> Similarly, I trust that any local fisherman who might meander near and over my plot, will have the forethought to load his urogenital tract with a liberal (forgive my use of that word) quantity of Jack Daniel’s.

Here’s to you, Squire Payne
Dom Gabriele