Senescence Golf

Mea culpa: Regrettably, I have let all of August go by without posting a single essay. But rather than submit something hastily contrived, I decided to resurrect an article I posted more than two years ago. Current readers may not have seen it. I am looking forward to their e-mailed comments ~

Tee 'em high and let em fly! Unlike other sports, golf can be played and enjoyed by people well into their senescence, that penultimate stage of life that follows seniorhood and comes just before "the lights go out." It is a period of life, often characterized by irreversible decrepitude and ineptitude. But consider how utterly tragic it would be for our aged golfers, if with all of their infirmities and diminishing skills, they were not an integral part of a friendly, and still "active" foursome.

However, what may surprise most people is that senescent golfers do perform a vital environmental service. Grounds keepers look with pride at the height and verdancy of their trees and they believe it is their fertilizing that does it. Few know that each of those trees is receiving regular doses of highly concentrated nitrogen from aging "male" golfers, who with increasing frequency, need to stop and piss on them.

In truth however, senescence golf is a tragicomedy acted out on weekends by many oldsters who are now physical caricatures of their former selves. Judged candidly, their exertions are woeful exercises in futility. Watch them and listen as they tee off. Rarely will you hear, "Great shot!" but often will be heard, "Where the f--k did it go?"

Addendum: Happily, Golf Clubs in America are awarding honorary memberships to their aging members in good standing and it looks now like Somers Pointe is beginning to orient itself in that direction. Its promoters are aware that the greener the course, the better it looks! They also know that our course's weary ground keepers can use all the fertilizing assistance they can get.

Comment:

E-mail me ~ domgab85@comcast.net

As you can see in the video, where they keep showing me walking down that rocky hill, there's not a tree in sight. But, as you know, I’m on dialysis. While I am not yet senescent and I have never played golf, it would really please me to walk among your course's trees ~ Osama

Try this ~ I give 14 shots to each guy in my regular Monday group ~ Russell Starkey

Now you are on to something, forget the politics. Concentrate on important issues GOLF!!! Your blog should have a running golf column, no? My son Bobby and I played yesterday, he from the blues and me from the whites and he still kicked my ass, but we had a great time. Sad the cold weather is coming, just when I'm figuring out that slice. Speaking of old duffers, what about my dad, on his one remaining leg (he left the other in Iwo Jima) he still beats his buddies every week ~ Robert Kenney

Read your blog. Amused by tour description of your Saturday group. Thank all for making the trees greener. Bryna is doing very well - walking further and further. Thinking and planning for next season's Tuesday Morning League - to start on May 3rd ~ Paul Cipes

SEX & GOLF ~The only two things a man can do poorly and still enjoy! ~ Cap'n Fred Gabriele

No wonder the trees looked so good this fall. The foliage was extravagantly elegant. Keep providing the nutrients ~ Adolph Melagrano