Eulogy

Excerpted from Adrienne's Eulogy
delivered during her mother's funeral at
St. Bernard's Church in White Plains on 4.16.05

Since last September, my family has gone from one major crisis to another, and now the sudden death of my Mom on Wednesday night.

My mom was born into a close-knit Italian family on July 24, 1918. She had two devoted parents and two loving brothers, my Uncle Alfred who is deceased and my Uncle Dom who is with us today. But my mother had a very difficult marriage. In the middle of one night, she was driven to flee our home with we three children wearing only the clothes on our backs and what we could throw in the car. At a time when divorce was still uncommon, Mom’s action was a testament to her strength, it showed her unflagging determination to provide safety for her children.

Mom struggled to support us and she unceasingly encouraged us to complete our education. She made many personal sacrifices, even sleeping on a pullout couch for many years so that Chrissy and I could share a bedroom. Although she has had numerous operations, she never was a burden to anyone. She has been my role model as a long-term cancer survivor.

My mother’s last job was in the Therapeutic Activities Department at New York Hospital. After she retired fifteen years ago, she continued to serve there as a volunteer, every week. Indeed, she would have been there this past Tuesday, had she not collapsed.

She was a voracious reader, often reading four books at a time. She was up to date on the latest news and Hollywood gossip. She even had several letters published in the New York Times. But her last act was a shopping jaunt into town and knowing Mom, that was the way she would have chosen to go. The first question she will ask when she reaches heaven will be, "Is there a TJ Maxx, a Filene’s Basement and an Antiques store up here?"

She was devoted to her two grandchildren, Mara and Amanda. At this time last year we were knee deep in preparations for Mara and Rob’s wedding. As many of you know, my mother was very fastidious about her appearance. We spent days in many different stores. Though she loves black, she wanted to try a different color for the wedding. In the last store, Loehman’s in the Bronx, I reached for a black evening skirt and held it up for her. "But it’s black," she said. To which I retorted, "At this point, I don’t care!" After finding her a matching black top, I thought the outfit was complete. But a few days later, she said, "I was reading Vogue and I saw a picture of Marlene Dietrich. She was wearing a beautiful black and green shawl. Take me back to the fabric store and let’s make me a similar one." Back we went. We bought the fabric and after I sewed it together, I thought we were finished at last. But a few days later, she called to say, "The shawl was too long. I cut it and made it shorter." And then there were the shoes! Today, we lovingly bury Mom in this very outfit she so dearly loved. And she has her lipstick and her jewelry, including her favorite pin from Venice.

Mom was a true lady, always dignified and impeccably groomed. She was always kind, gentle and loving. She rarely argued or raised her voice. She never berated anyone. Whenever our tempers flared, my mother always remained calm and invariably soothed us. Fiercely independent, she took care of herself in her beautiful apartment without ever asking for help.

In conclusion, my brother Doug, my sister Chrissy, I and the rest of our family, sincerely thank you for coming to celebrate my Mom’s life. Please remember her gentle smile and warm disposition, and keep her in your prayers. May God bless you.