Happy B-Day, Morrison

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Although he is still parachuting out of airplanes into rarefied air, Dick was once a heroic but sane marine who fought gallantly in China and the South Pacific during World War II. He also served as President of the Knollwood Country Club in Westchester. So grateful was that Club for his inspired leadership, they made him an honorary member, last year.

Unlike other sports, golf can be played and enjoyed by people well into senescence, the stage of life that follows seniority and precedes eternal oblivion. It is unmercifully characterized by irreversible decrepitude and ineptitude. By turning 90, effervescent Dick Morrison is now a member of a distinguished group that is becoming older and more numerous.

But it might surprise some to know that we senescents do perform an important environmental service. The height and verdancy of most golf course trees is really due to the regular doses of highly concentrated nitrogen they receive from senescents like Dick and me who can no longer pass a tree without stopping to piss on it.

In truth, senescence golf is a tragicomedy acted out on weekends by oldsters who are now physical caricatures of their former selves. Their exertions are woeful exercises in comic futility. Instead of exuberant exclamations like "Great shot" you mostly hear Dick and the rest of us shout, "Where the f--k did it go?"

"Semper Fi, Dick" from all of us, to you, a friend like no other.