I can distinctly remember . . .

I can still distinctly remember that when my Unit, the 816 Aviation Engineer Battalion, landed on Omaha Beach on the 2nd day of our WWII invasion of France, we ranged up and down and across those Normandy sands, corralling all the German captives we could find. And what do you suppose we proceeded to do with our bloodied and shell-shocked prisoners? Yes, you’ve got it - we took each one of them aside and very carefully read them their Miranda rights. And we assured each of them that we had boatloads of attorneys in our invading armada who would soon meet with them to help them. We did this at the insistence of General Eisenhower and General Patton and with the blessings of President Roosevelt and the Congress of the USA.

What a startling and unprecedented effect this had on our enemy! The German military, all over Europe, surrendered abruptly and Hitler hurriedly retired to his basement cell in Berlin and committed suicide. Rainbows arched across the skies of Europe and all you could hear from the heavens were holy psalms extolling the virtues of Universal Civil Rights (Lefts?). Flitting among those joined in singing the praises of God and man was my divine ancestor, the Archangel Gabriel.

A few days ago, I was told by my primary care physician that I have Schlemiel’s Disease, a rare form of Senile Dementia in which the patient distinctly remembers many things that never happened.

Comments:

Jan 9: Dad, I seem to recall that in some of my history classes that the allies did indeed provide Miranda warnings to captured axis soldiers. It was only fitting, since captured American and British were treated so well. It would be wonderful if we could provide new Quarans to all muslims, with a preface that included the Miranda statement and the phone number of the ACLU ~ Tom G.

Jan 11: Schlemiel, schlemihl, shlemiel [ʃləˈmiːl] in US slang, an awkward or unlucky person whose endeavors usually fail [Yiddish, from German, after the hero of a novel by Chamisso (1781-1838)] I think, obviously, your doctor has it wrong. It seems most, if not all, of your endeavors have been highly successful. I would argue that such an experience made such a deep mark on your memory that it would be difficult to recall it incorrectly. I agree with Tom. . . ~ Julia G.

Feb 14: A very nice dispatch. It helped me a lot with my current college assignments. Thank you very much ~ Anonymous