Maureen Dowd opines ~

It looks like Maureen Dowd and I may be somewhat in accord. The dialogue below, is from my (8.30.2005) blogpost, Genesis Revisited.

When God finished extracting Eve from one of Adam's ribs, he felt bushed. He sat under a nearby shade tree with Archangel Gabriel and they uncapped a cool bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Phew...what do you think," God asked, after taking a good swallow of whiskey.
Angel Gabriel sipped deeply from the same bottle and responded. "Great job, old man. But you know what? I think you’ve got this whole human creation thing bass-ackwards."
"What do you mean," God retorted?
"No disrespect intended, Lord. I simply mean you should have created Eve first, not Adam."
"Why so," God asked?
Gabriel hastened to explain."It would make more sense if the woman, who you have already fully equipped with all the organs of reproduction would be central in this birthing process? Think of it, your Supreme Holiness, most men won't be like Adam. They are not going to be so gung-ho to have their ribs cracked, just to reproduce children."
"Hmm! Go on," said God.
"Look," Gabriel replied, "Had you created Eve first, you could have instilled your divine spirits into her and pretty soon baby Adam would have slid out nice and easy from her womb and not herky-jerky, crunchy-crushy from one of her ribs. Isn’t the womb thing what we plan to do with the Virgin Mary when her time comes to deliver Jesus?"
"By George! Who the hell is George? Never mind! You've nailed it, Gabe. The man is just an accessory. Except for the few sperm he squirts on the egg, he’s no longer necessary. You’re right! Let's place the woman at the center. Why didn’t I think of that?"
"Paterfamilias, you have more important things on your mind. The universe depends on you. It’s your Patrimony, as our Latin speaking people will soon be saying."
"Thanks, Gabe. You’re a good consigliere as our Italian speaking people will soon be saying. Now that we know better, let’s call this whole motherhood and marriage thing, Holy Matrimony!
"By all that’s holy, you are now making the omelette without cracking the shells, you're really cooking!"
Nodding affirmatively, God went on. "And while women are birthing, nursing and caring for their children, we'll not let their men interfere. We'll get them to sculpt statues, build bridges, play sports, fight wars, distill whiskey and anything else to keep them from brooding about being only accessories."
"Divinely declaimed," exclaimed Archangel Gabriel! Then with the bottle at his lips, and his great white wings gently flapping, he drained the remainder of the Tennessee Sour Mash.

Dear Maureen,

Certain Jewish friends of mine think you would make a good mohel, but others demur. They are afraid that in your zeal, you might carry some circumcisions too far.

Toro ~

Last week, I was exasperated beyond belief. Early in August I switched from ATT to Verizon, but ATT kept right on posting bills to me. Their reimbursement continued without interruption because of our prior automatic payment arrangement. I phoned them repeatedly, but pressing one button after another with each of the options offered never got me to a real live person.

Finally, in desperation, I called Jim Montalto, my broker at Merrill Lynch, to check with him about turning off the automatic payment process. He asked Ann Avesato, his girl Friday, to come to the phone. She, with a speed and savvy that belong to another world, quickly maneuvered ATT and me into a 3-way conversation. It was unbelievably effective. In no time flat, she brought the whole situation to a happy and successful conclusion. She left me breathless with admiration and gratitude.

We do not ordinarily expect major investment institutions to apply their resources at such personal levels. But then, these companies are staffed with human beings who when properly approached are ready and eager to offer helpful intervention. I have always found this to be the case at Merrill Lynch. In retrospect, no one has been more gracious than Jim Montalto, a man who brings unparalleled expertise to his thoughtful and timely advice. But Ann, who I referred to as his girl Friday, is beyond description. She is a girl for every day of the week and every week of the month. Happily, I learned from her that when you are trapped in an endless loop of button pressing, just tap on the "O" button. That will bring a person to the phone. Kudos to you Ann and Jim and to my company of companies, Merrill Lynch.

Cole Porter

A few days ago, my dear friend Paul Cipes appeared at our door. With a puckish grin he handed me a packaged DVD. Not until Lenore and I viewed "De-Lovely" on TV did I grasp the meaning of his expression.

De-Lovely is a filmed biography of Cole Porter. It includes many of his most popular songs. He was a prolific composer and his lyrics are unforgettable. In contrast to the violent and degrading nihilism of some of our contemporary music genres, his songs were almost always melodious testaments to love. He must have seen love as a large and multifaceted diamond and every song he composed was about a different facet of that very precious gem. His rhythms unfailingly induced people to engage in genuinely romantic dancing. If some of you young readers don't know him, purchase the Album without delay. You won't regret it. Before long, like us oldies, you'll be humming his tunes and singing his lyrics.

I know now why Cipes brought me this DVD. A featured role in this film is Archangel Gabriel in civilian guise. Like Virgil guiding Dante through Inferno, Gabriel takes Porter on a retrospective tour of his life. Cole’s songs and lyrics stir many happy and nostalgic memories. The film comes to an almost orgastic conclusion, with the entire cast exultantly singing "Blow, Gabriel, Blow." A most dramatic climax!

Although you may think I'm a certifiable nut, I like to believe that I'm a descendant of the Archangel Gabriel. He has surely been God’s busiest, most trusted and most ubiquitous angel. And I am truly happy to say that he has always played a positive role in my life as well. After I built my ocean going sailboat (he helped me) it was with uncontainable pride that I christened it, Ark Angel. Aboard that blessed little vessel, we sailed fearlessly thru several major ocean tempests. And it cannot have escaped your notice, that this blog is named The Hornblower?

Thank you, Paul.

Copperheads redux

During our Civil War, Northern members of the Democratic Party who were opposed to Abraham Lincoln and his unwavering pursuit of the war, were known as Copperheads. Indifferent to the issue of slavery, they believed that the "conquest" of the South was illegal. Preserving the Union, was not greatly important to them. Britain and France held similar views and both nations were relentless in their determination to support the South. Though constantly criticized and savagely ridiculed, Lincoln nevertheless persevered with the War. The Union was restored and slavery was abolished. A retrospective view of history now treats Lincoln, the great emancipator, quite differently.

Today, the Democratic Party unceasingly vilifies and castigates the current administration for pursuing an illegal and bloody war in Iraq. In concert with the liberal press, many Democrats categorize President Bush as a lying and bumbling idiot who has totally and irreversibly squandered America’s credibility and reputation. But perhaps, as in the case of Lincoln, future historians will actually look back on this period as another of America’s great epochs. They may see that our military presence in the heart of Islam was the ultimate crusade; the one that finally emancipated the impoverished and suffering Muslim people and ushered them into the real (and safer) world.

Open Letter to Senator Harry Reid:

Dear Senator Reid:

You, and many of your fellow partisans, are embarked on a perilous course of action. Be mindful, if you persist in your relentless and denigrating attacks on President Bush and his administration you are not playing a zero-sum game. If you bring him down, the Democratic Party may well go down with him, and our nation as well. But that Pyrrhic victory will be celebrated only by our enemies.

For our federal government to function properly, every administration must acquiesce to careful monitoring and probing review. And indeed, it is every citizen’s responsibility to join in the process. But it should never be done in a gratuitously offensive and inquisitorial manner. While closed sessions may often be necessary, they should be mandatory when dealing with our nation's most crucial secrets.

Respectfully,

The Hornblower